Friday, January 26, 2007


A true story:

In mid December, 2006, our heroine attends a birthday party. Since she attends after a stint as an usher (part of the indentured servitude aspect of PlaySkool), she is wearing her one (count them one) pair of black pants.

Upon returning home, she notices a bizarre stain on the bum of the pants. It is white and kind of crunchy. Our heroine recalls her behind's proximity to a candle where she had been sitting. She decides that wax stain removal is difficult and she decides to take the pants to the dry cleaners.

There is no dry cleaners near where our heroine lives. She avoids cleaning her pants for weeks. And weeks. The pants sit in a bag in a forelorn heap. She instead wears her beloved husband's pants whenever she ushers, which is, like, every day. He gets kind of annoyed.

One day, towards the very end of January, she decides to solve the wax-butt problem herself. Armed with a trusty copy of Home Comforts she lays paper towels atop the pants and irons them so as to dissolve the wax. The wax does not dissolve. At all. Our heroine begins to think that perhaps she does not have a wax stain. In a fit of intuition, she decides to taste the now six-weeks-old stain.

It is sweet. She had sat in frosting.

Our heroine puts the pants in the regular laundry hamper. She will wash them tomorrow. They will be clean in time for her final ushering gig of the year.

The end.